New Post

It's been a few months since my last post and my only excuse is that life has been happening...which is good news. Kate and I are finally settling in here in Greenville, South Cackalacky. Kate is enrolled at Pennington Child Development Center and loving it. Her teacher's name is Miss Lovely....it really doesn't get any better than that. She is loving spending lots of time with her family. I am daily in awe of the fact that I get to be her mom. God's grace is unfathomable.

The biggest news is that Kate and I are moving into our very own home next weekend!! I am thrilled! It is a great little house down the street from my Dad. It's got a great yard and a cow pasture right next door. It's perfect. We are so thankful.

Unfortunately, sometimes life doesn't play out the way we think is best. The truth that I continue hold onto is that God is in control. He knows what's going on and I am daily challenged to rest in that. "But me, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking around to see what God will do. I'm waiting for God to make things right. I'm counting on God to listen to me." -Michah 7.7

I will do a better job of keeping the world wide web apprised of our lives here in South Carolina. Have a wonderful day today!!

On The Move

Sorry there haven't been any blog updates lately. We have been so busy getting ready for our big move next Friday! We can't wait! I am currently training my replacement at work and things are really coming together. My Dad will drive in on Wednesday, July 1st and we will pack up the U-Haul and head to Greenville, SC on July 3rd. This is a decision that has been difficult to make but I am confident that the timing is God's and that He is leading in this next step of my life. It is exciting. I will update more as we get closer to moving. Thanks for all of the encouragement and for loving on Kate and I both.

What do you say, Old Friend?

I remember at band camp (yes, I was a total band nerd), when the seniors would graduate, they would play that song "It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" by Boyz II Men. Every time I hear that song, I have this mental picture of Sharon Wood and all the other seniors that I can't remember their names right now, dancing in the middle of that old wooden floor at camp, hugging each other, not knowing what the next step in life looks like. It's scary - change. I don't care who you are - change is a scary next step.

I have often wondered why the Lord has chosen to keep me in Dallas, seemingly by myself. Of course, I've had the wonderful company of Kate for the past year, but even with a child, life has been more than a little lonely. The weekends have been the most difficult. Going to breakfast at Corner Bakery on Saturday mornings with an infant have been precious, don't get me wrong - the conversation is just a little limited :). However, I am confident that God has had me in Dallas for a very specific purpose - to draw me into a completely dependent and intimate relationship with Him. It has been 2 of the most difficult years of my life, but truly the best 2 years of life, with respect to the relationship with Christ that has come out of it. I have been a child of His for 17 years, but over the past 2 He has drawn me to Him in a way I never knew was even available to me.


So the change that's coming into my life is that on July 3rd, Kate and I are moving home to Greenville, South Carolina. We will pack up our sparse belongings and head home. I am ready. It is time. I would covet your prayers during this time, as any change is difficult, even when you're moving near the ones you love. Even though our time in Dallas has had it's challenges, we have developed a routine here. We have fallen in love with the people God has surrounded us with here. What will I do without Annette and Karl to make me dinner every night when I pick up Kate? That is really the biggest dilemma of it all....


Here is the plan: I will complete my time here at Taylor Winfield on July 2nd - they are all on board with the move and are assisting me in my search for another opportunity. We will be home by July 5th, hopefully have some final interviews that week, and start a new job within a few weeks of moving home. That would be the ideal situation. We will just see how God chooses to work out His plan. I want to do this part of my life differently than I have past changes/moves. I'm not going to get all wacked out, anxious and nervous. At least, that is how I'm praying. I'm leaning into Christ, trusting that His plan is best - mine is not. If you see me doing otherwise, I give you permission to call me out on it.

That's all the news I have for now. Excited for what the future holds, to see how God's plan plays out, continuing to pray for restoration and healing......

"But me, I'm not giving up. I'm sticking around to see what God will do. I'm waiting for God to make things right. I'm counting on God to listen to me." Micah 7.7

"Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37.7a

Going Home!!!!!

Whoo hooo!!! Kate and I are heading home to Greenville, South Carolina tonight at 7:45pm. I can't wait!! We are going to celebrate her 1st birthday with our family and then she will be a flower girl in her Aunt Colleen's wedding. She just started walking, so we will see how that goes....Anyway, I will post pictures of the week as soon as I can! Have a wonderful weekend!

My Little Scooter Bug

Today is my baby sister's 24th birthday. She's the official baby of our family - even though we have a brother who is 7, and she has a neice that is 1 - she's still the baby and always will be. Ruthie is a precious one who loves everybody. She is always trying to keep the peace in our family and sees the good in everyone. She is a lot like our mom...not only in personality, but in her mannerisms. She can't dive into a pool to save her life, but ask her to sing the part of Meg or Raoul from Phantom of the Opera, and she'll be there. Ruthie brings fun to every room she enters. Anyone who knows her will probably tell you she is hilarious. She and Troy have an ongoing competition as to who is the funniest in our family. Believe me, I'm right up there with them in hilarity :)....but, Ruthie is by far quicker, and wittier than any of us. She loves on people like no other. She shows the character of Christ daily by giving of herself and her time to other people. She is the best combination of our entire family....rolled into one beautiful girl.

Ruthie was there when my daughter, Kate, was born. She stayed with me several nights nights in the hospital after Kate was born because I was very sick. Kate had to stay in the nursery under the sun-tannin lights because she was jaundiced. Ruthie woke up with me every 3 hours to wheel me down in the wheel-chair to the nursery to feed Kate. She even got to feed her a bottle a couple of times herself. It was so precious. It's one of those moments that you want to wrap up in a little napkin and keep in your pocket for a rainy day. Ruthie loves her neice, Kate, very much and I couldn't ask for a better Aunt Scoot.

We are very fortunate to have a close family and Ruthie is very important part of that. It's fun when your very bestest friends are your sisters and brother.

Happy Birthday, Scoot. I love you very much and can't wait to see you this weekend! Whoo hoo!!

Happy 1st Birthday Kate Elizabeth!!

As I sit here at my laptop, I smell a waft of old vomit coming from my skin. Today is Kate's birthday....her very first birthday, in fact. In a meager attempt to celebrate this big day, we went out to Gloria's Mexican Restaurant with our dear friends Annette and Carl. About a quarter of the way through our meal, Kate decides to throw up all over herself and her mother. Now, I'm not talking about a little spit up....I'm talking about a head to toe throw up - on both of us. Fun. So, I went to the bathroom to clean us both up, an impossible task, I found. Where it is cute and appropriate for a baby to walk around without a shirt on, it is just not ok for the mom. I tried to clean up in the bathroom, but it just wasn't working. I ended up rinsing off my shirt in the sink and putting it back on. It felt soooo good to put on a vomit/water covered t-shirt. Gross. We are now home and we have both changed clothes 5 times. Happy Day. Now, I sit here writing, smelling the vomit, thinking about a shower, but wondering what good it will do when I will probably be thrown up on again.

One year ago today, I was huge, uncomfortable, and ready to get this baby out of me. My ankles (cankles) had swollen to the size of my head - I'm not kidding. My body just hurt....it was time. Ruthie and I pulled up to Medical City Dallas Hospital around 7am. After laying in a hospital bed all day, the doctor decided I wasn't dialating fast enough, so she decided to do a c-section. Kate Elizabeth was born on Friday, April 25th, at 7:40pm. At first, she scared me. I hadn't been around many babies - especially newborns. I wasn't the one people called when they needed a baby sitter, if that says anything. But....it didn't take me too long to fall completely in love with this precious girl. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought I had no reason to go on - I felt I had ruined my life. But, God's gift of Kate has allowed me to experience life in a way I never thought possible.

Today, Kate took her first steps! 5 steps in a row! She is an amazing child. She engages people in a way unlike I've ever seen. She never meets a stranger and will wave and give a smile to anyone that will look her way.

Next weekend, Kate and I will fly to South Carolina and celebrate her birthday with our family. I can't wait!! I'm sure we will have lots of pictures to share.

Broken

I read this blog today and it was really powerful. Good stuff. Too good not to pass along. I appreciate those people who are willing to be authentic, even in their struggles, and also willing to admit that Christianity is not about me.
http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/imonk-101-when-i-am-weak-why-we-must-embrace-our-brokenness-and-never-be-good-christians

My Little Angel

It's too hard to believe that this little precious girl will be 1 year old this month. Can't believe how quickly time goes by....too fast. What a change this little girl has brought to my life and my heart.

Just livin the life

Sorry no big posts this week. Kate and I are just living life right now, enjoying each other. Hope you are all doing well and that you all have a great weekend. Keep on loving on those God has brought around you and continue to keep your eyes only on Him. Here are some pictures of Kate to get you through the day :)

Why Believe?

I'm sure most of you have heard about this "I Am Second" thing. Check it out, if you haven't already. There are some truly incredible testimonies on here. Just regular people, some you may know, some you don't - all with one thing in common - they realized that Jesus should be first in their lives. http://iamsecond.com

Have a wonderful day today and be encouraged by the fact that Jesus loves you, wherever you are in life, more than you can even comprehend.

You've got to fight, for your right....

There is a battle going on...and I'm not talking about my right to party. I'm talking about the battle for our hearts. I am in one as we speak. God continues to do huge things in and around me and at the same time, I feel that Satan has launched a full-on attack on my heart and mind. The past week or so has been exhausting, not only from the time change (can't believe one hour can make such a difference, seriously), but from a war that is raging inside me - my mind, my heart. I can't sleep. I have little appetite. I get so anxious at times, my body breaks out into a cold sweat. This week my mind has been filled up with my actions from my past. Just being very real here - a sampling of some of the thoughts that have been racing through my head - I have been a terrible disaster of a wife, an awful daughter, an undependable sister, a liar, an unreliable friend, if I would've done this then that wouldn't have happened, woulda shoulda coulda....shut up already!!! I could go on, but you get my meaning here. Very unfortunately, these are all things I cannot change. They have happened already. I cannot take them back. Although I have been forgiven of all of this crap, that knowledge does not take away from the fact that all of these thoughts have led to a hurting heart, feelings of worthlessness, increased guilt and the sad realization that I may be unlovable. This is pitiful at best. This is where the enemy wants to keep me.

So, as I see it, I have three choices: 1 - Continue to allow these thoughts to rule my mind. I think I would end up in the crazy house if I continued down this road; 2 - Put on my best fighting face and with all my might, eyes squinted and teeth grit, with my meanest look and most determined heart, try and fight it on my own; 3 - OR, I can run. I can run my fastest to Jesus, put up my arms, beg Him to pick me up and let me cry for a little while because I do have a broken heart. And then, I can rest in knowing that He's already won this fight I'm in. He's already won. When I say "rest" I'm not talking about sitting back, closing my eyes, and taking a nap in the crook of his arm, all the while sending up a faint cheer of "go Jesus". I'm talking about truly resting in the knowledge that Jesus is FOR ME. He's not going to leave me out here to fend for myself. He has given me His Word. He has given Himself for me. He has given me the gift of an eternal life with Him and that is enough to get this girl through the day today. So, when the battle is occurring at 1:30 in the morning, and I can't get my mind to shut up, I will get on my face and talk to Jesus. I will claim the truth He has given me, replacing lies with truth. He loves me. He has justified me. I have been redeemed and forgiven of ALL my sins. I am COMPLETE in Him. I am His workmanship. He promises not to give me more than I can handle. He has promised not to allow anything to harm me. Just a few truths that come to mind.

This is where I've landed on this today - when my heart is truly filled up with Jesus and my eyes are only on Him, there is no room for eating disorders, lying, worry, affairs, hate, being mean to someone who loves you or whatever else you can come up with. But when I am going deeper in this relationship He's called me to, Satan doesn't love it and he wants to do whatever he can to take my eyes off of Jesus. So, I keep talking to Him and I keep filling my mind with His truth. He's still growing me. I have much to learn still, but this is where I find myself today.

Ephesians 6:12 - For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

Colossians 1:13 - For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son.

Too Tired...

Today I am exhausted. Not a huge fan on the front end of Daylight Savings Time. Kate hasn't taken to well to the old Daylight Savings routine either. I've had to wake her up the past 2 mornings. She's usually sitting up, waiting for ME to wake up. I am also tired just because...I just am. My body doesn't want to do anything except crawl back in bed, get under the covers, maybe watch Anne of Green Gables and go back to sleep.

I find myself feeling like I'm in a holding pattern, yet, know that I'm not really in one. I AM growing and learning and moving forward. I'm right where I am supposed to be. But, sometimes waiting for God can seem tiring (raising a 10 month old angel-child is also exhausting). It can wear on you like nothing else I've ever experienced. However, I think when God asks us to obey Him by waiting/sitting still/being still/staying put, we have the idea that EVERYTHING is then on hold - our life, our joy, our growth. No sir. No ma'am, it's not. He is moving and working all around us. We don't even know what He's doing in others lives around us. I am sometimes so focused on this little life I lead, I forget that there is more going on than my own stuff.

I have never been in such a place of complete trust and total abandonment of my own plans as I am now (this is mostly because I have tried my own plan too many times and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to). Don't get me wrong - I have deep desires and wants for my life, but God has brought me into such a relationship with Him that I know without a shadow of doubt, His plan is better than mine. But, sometimes, in my time of being still, I get discouraged, I cry, and I get tired.

So, if, like me, you find yourself completely exhausted today - just stop, let go of the things you are holding onto so tightly, even if just for a minute, and let Him give you rest. You WILL find it in Him. In my experience, the more we do this as believers, the easier it is to just completely let go of whatever it is that you're holding onto and trust.

I wait expectantly for God to do the seemingly impossible in my life. But, I don't just wait to see what He is going to do - I also stand in astonishment at the hugely impossible things He has already done. The true miracle, that needs to be acknowledged in this moment, is that I am even able to write this today. God rescued my heart and my life today is a miracle and a true testimony that He does not give up on His children.

Two Scriptures that gave me encouragement today:

Jesus says, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and loaded down with burdens, and I will give you rest." - Matthew 11:28

But as for me, I will look to the Lord and confident in Him I will keep watch; I will wait with hope and expectancy for the God of my salvation; my God will hear me.
Micah 7:7 (Amplified Bible)

Coming Attractions....

New posts coming your way soon....I promise. Things have been a little busy what with going to NYC and such. I have some stuff in the pipeline...so keep on the lookout for new posts coming your way. I hope you are each doing well and having such a good day.

New-Found Love.....the Pacifier

Whether you call it a pacifier, paci, pier, binky, plug, suckerbite, soother, nuk, dummy, chewy, t-t, soo-soo, gucky, nu-nu, sucker, tinky-winky, or a nummy - everyone has a name for it. You can't make stuff like this up. These are real names for the pacifier. We've all seen those snot-nosed kids, riding around in the buggy at the grocery, sucking on that nasty paci. I had a sister who couldn't give it up. For anonymity's sake, we'll call her "Becky." This little one couldn't let go of that stinkin thing! I mean, it was literally stinky. I think she was over 4 years of age before my parents could get rid of that thing. They would cut it down to a nub, yet she still found a way to keep that thing in her mouth. So gross.

My almost 10 month old daughter, Kate, has not been a child to take to the paci. She used it for a week or so after she was born, but after that, she would spit it out. I have to admit, secretly, I was proud of my girl. The authors of Baby-wise would be proud. No sleep crutches used here. Parent Directed Feedings all the way. We were on the right track.....that is, until yesterday.

I arrived promptly at 8:01am, taking all of our gear, including the child, into daycare. After we had unloaded everything, the owner of the daycare, Rachel, meets me at the door and asks "Does Kate have a pacifier?" In my proudest voice, shaking my head with a slight smile, I said "Umm, no. Kate doesn't USE one of those." Rachel then said, "Well, I hate to tell you this, but she does. She has been going around to the other children's play areas and stealing their paci's. She waits until they leave the paci and she makes a bee-line for it." I was horrified!!! My little angel, using a paci?? No, it couldn't be. I said, "Are you sure?!?" Rachel replied, "Yes. She has been doing this for about a week now and you will need to purchase some paci's for her. Also, if you could pick up the thing that attaches to her shirt that ensures a paci is always there for her convenience, that would be great too." So, last night, Kate and I bundled up and went to Babies R Us (I had a coupon) and bought paci's and things to hook them to her clothes and marked them with a "K". Awesome.

All of my pride in the "paci department" is gone. So, if your child is a paci-user, please don't take offense to my tirade at the front-end here - I have joined you in your cause. In this instance, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Mom

My mom was a woman you would want to meet. When she walked into a room, there was a joy there that drew people to her. She welcomed anyone into her home without hesitation. She was absolutely hilarious, fun to be around, and was not one to take herself too seriously. Her cookies were awful, but her chicken enchiladas were to die for. While other mom's dreaded the time when school was let out for the summer, she couldn't wait for it!! She is the reason I am a pianist and have a passion for music. Watching her play the piano as a little one, I wanted to play just like her. Ruthie, Troy, Bekah and I talked to her everyday, no matter which part of the country we were in, no matter where we were in life. She loved Jesus and helped me understand why I needed to say "yes" to Him. She is the reason our family was so close and a big part of why we have remained so to this day. I am very thankful that God gave me the gift of a mom who loved me no matter what, loved life and lived it fully to the end, and left a legacy that has impacted many people's lives.

Especially now that I have Kate in my life, I ache for my mom. I have questions all the time about what Bek, Ruthie, Troy and I were like as babies, is it ok that Kate's daycare is feeding her a cookie everyday, what does this rash mean, how long is too long to go without pooping (for Kate, of course), is it bad that Kate doesn't have teeth yet...and the list goes on. Yet, in His perfect way, God has placed people in my life that I CAN call and ask these questions to. The bottom line being, I miss my mom...I miss her terribly.

The "inspiration" for writing this came at church on Sunday as we were singing this song, "Revelation Song." It is a powerful song in itself, quoting scripture from the book of Revelation, but something more struck me at that moment - I was singing to the same God that my mom stands before in Heaven - maybe even singing herself! It touched my heart in such a way that I just started weeping - the "makeup gone, Kleenex sticking to your face, un-pretty" kind of crying. This is what we were singing:

YouTube - Revelation Song - Kari Jobe

Worthy is the Lamb Who was slain

Holy, holy is He

Sing a new song to Him

Who sits on Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come

With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings

You are my everything, and I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows of living color

Flashes of lightning, rolls of thunder

Blessing and honor, strength and glory and power be

To You, the only wise King

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come

With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings

You are my everything, and I will adore You

Filled with wonder, awestruck wonder

At the mention of Your Name Jesus,

Your Name is power, breath and living water, such a marvelous mystery

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come

With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings

You are my everything, and I will adore You.

What an incredible promise we have as believers in Christ that we will see our precious loves again. Where I feel that my mom was taken too early in her life, too early in MY life, I find rest and peace in the fact that God has a perfect plan for each of our lives. He was ready to have my mom in Heaven and He leaves me here on earth because He is not finished with my life. Our ultimate purpose on this earth is to bring glory to Jesus. He chose to glorify Himself by bringing my mom to Heaven...I don't understand it...I don't have to, but I know His plan is truly perfect. As a family, we have grown together and in our relationships with Jesus through this hellish experience in a way that I couldn't have even imagined was possible.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to HIM be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

3 in a row....I'm on a roll!

Kate is crawling now...has been for about a month. It is so amazing to see how her mind and body are developing! This video was taken on her very first "snow day." We had ice and freezing rain in Dallas and, like Greenville, SC, everything shuts down. It was a fun day. I never was a very good driver, so....it was good that we didn't have to go to work/school.

It is a gorgeous day in Dallas....

Life is such a precious gift. Get outside and enjoy living it. Or, if you can't do that, thank God for that sweet breath you just took. And also, love on someone near you. They probably need it.

Take Cover. Tornado Warning

First of all, I apologize to all you folks that I can't get my act together to keep this blog consistent. I come up with great ideas, I really do, and then....I'm working, or Kate is playing with power cords and I need to stop her, or she needs to be fed, or she just needs her mom's lovin, or we're just livin life :).

So, to the blog. I hate tornado warnings/watches/winds, basically anthing to do with tornados. Even as a kid I can remember being terrified of them. Maybe it was that horror film "Wizard of Oz" that put the intial fear in me. Either way, I am not a fan. I know there are people out there, like Helen Hunt, who enjoy a good tornado chase, but I guarantee you won't ever find me in a pick up truck with Bill Paxton, running after a tornado.

Anyway, last night we had all the rain and winds and then finally, the tornado warning. I never experienced this in South Carolina, but in Texas, they have warning sirens that go off when there is severe weather in the area. Sometimes, when it gets really bad, there is a man's voice that starts talking over the loud speaker. The feeling I get when it starts actually reminds me of movies I've seen about Nazi camps in WWII. Seriously, it's crazy.

Around 9:30pm the sirens start going off. The scary man comes over the loud speaker and says "Take cover. Tornado warning." I wake Kate up and get her out of her crib, she squints up at me as though she was saying "is it already mornin, Mom?" We meet Becky (our friend that we live with) and the dogs in the laundry room. It was a sight, I'm sure. I'm in my jams, Kate's in hers, and Becky had just come in from working out - and we're all stuffed in the laundry room. I have to admit, I was scared. The wind was really loud...the rain was really coming down. I just kept imagining a tree falling right through the middle of the house and there we would be, sitting in the laundry room in our jammies. No bueno. No bueno at all. I just said aloud "Jesus, please keep us safe." Then Becky chimed in and just prayed for a few minutes for us and for the other people that were experiencing the same storm. It was a little unnerving, but just talking to Jesus calmed my heart. While we were sitting there, He gave me the thought that He knew about this storm, He knows how many more days I have and even how many days Kate has. The knowledge of that was comforting somehow in that scary moment. He continues to bring me back to the fact that He knows about my little life and that I'm here in Plano, TX, feeling very alone. He knows that I feel like I've been forgotten and that there are days when I just wish my Dad could come and pick me and Kate up in mom's old van and bring us back home. But, He also knows my heart and my dreams, my passions, my desires for my future.

The storm died down eventually and thankfully we did not have any problems to deal with because of it. Sometimes I feel as though I am living in a neverending storm. But, I find rest in the fact the there is a plan for my life. I am living that plan right now. This is part of it. My dad keeps telling me this is only a season of life. I want to take as much away from this time in my life as I can. I truly don't want to waste the precious time I have been given. Sometimes it is a choice to NOT be Debbie Downer. Today, I am making that choice. My family will be glad :)

A lot of people have thrown this verse out there for years and years as a cheesy cliche when life sucks, but either way, it is Truth. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. Another good one is "Be still in the presence of the Lord and wait patiently for Him to act." Psalm 37:7a. To those of you out there in cyber land that are struggling in life, take some hope in the fact that Jesus loves you beyond comprehension and He wants great things for your life. It's really true.

Thanks to all who have taken the time to read. I really do appreciate it.

Bad Blogger

So, I'm a terrible blogger. The main reason I'm even writing right now is my sister, Ruthie, wrote a blog today and it reminded me that I needed to write something. I get these great ideas all the time but they just never get to realize their potential on my blog. So, I'm going to try and get better with that. I will try my very best to write more later. Thanks for reading.